WHAT!
by Juliana Rain
Summary: "YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 16 YEARS AND HAVE THREE KIDS!." Who knew Kankuro was keeping such a big secret. Just a random fic. doesn't really have anything to do with my other stories. I probably will discontinue.
1. Chapter 1

If you want to know what the hell is going on then I suggest that you read 'Angle of Death' and 'Gaara and Yugare' by Little Kunai. You might also want to check out 'Pandemonium' kinda like the squeal to both stories. I'm using her OCs and the beginning scene. Plus **I don't own Naruto.**

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Baki was invited to dinner with the family, Gaara, his daughter, Temari, her husband Hidan, their twins, and Kankuro. All the guards had been sent out and much to Baki's irritation who should he hear bitching from the dining room?

"Ugh! It's him!" Baki grumbled as he entered the room to see the foul-mouthed priest who was under a transformation jutsu.

Baki looked around, Temari had her arm around Hidan's waist. Usagi sat next to her father, Jashin had that get-me-out-of-here look. Tsuru and Yugure were busy setting the table, Kankuro was starting to get into it with Hidan and Lord Kazekage had a glazed, faraway look in his eyes, as though he were putting as much distance mentally between himself and his brother-in-law as possible.

"Geeze where've you been?" Usagi piped up loudly. "We've been waiting a half a fuc-"

"Usagi don't you dare finish that sentence or I swear I'll wash your mouth out with soap!" Temari said in a warning tone of voice that could send chills down people's spines.

"Ooh!" Said Tsuru tauntingly as she took her place between her dad and Yugure.

Usagi looked at her mother and smiled. "But daddy says it all the time." She pleaded in a sickeningly sweet tone.

Temari's eyelid ticked at the pitiful excuse and she glared at Hidan who was completely oblivious to the whole affair.

"Maybe I'll wash his mouth out with soap!" She spat coldly.

"Huh?" Said Hidan, clueless as to why Temari was glaring at him so vehemently.

Usagi and Tsuru looked at each other and then at Temari, jaws gaping before both girls burst out into raucous laughter.

Baki couldn't contain the grin at the mental image of Temari sitting Hidan down in a chair like a naughty child and scrubbing his mouth out vigorously with a bar of soap. _"So…" _Baki thought to himself, _"this is what it's going to be like to put up with the little monsters! At least I'll never have a dull moment with them around!"_

Hidan grinned at her and kissed her deeply in an attempt to placate her. Gaara who had been startled back into awareness by the sound of their laughter turned on his most menacing death glare and found himself completely ignored by the priest…just…like…always.

"Hey! Get a room!" Kankuro complained loudly.

Somehow in the middle of frenching Temari, Hidan managed a "Fuck off puppet boy!"

Yugure stifled a laugh at that and said, "Hey Kankuro? Grab the salad from in the kitchen, will you?"

Kankuro mumbled fine and went into the kitchen, grabbed the salad and walking back to the table. While Kankuro was gone Temari and Hidan had stopped kissing and had made their way over to the table. Just as Temari was about to sit down, she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. When Kankuro was putting the salad on the table his sleeve had been scrunched up revealing a, what looked like to be a green ribbon.

Fast as lightning Temari grabbed Kankuro's wrist pulling down his sleeve and removed his glove, revealing a green snake tattoo that wrapped around his arm, with its head laying between his thumb and pointer finger and its tail coiling around his elbow.

"Where did you get this?" she asked, eyes narrowed. Everyone stared at her like she had grown another head, wondering what the heck was she doing.

"Temari what the fuck are you doing?" Hidan asked, wondering what the fuck his wife was doing.

"Kankuro. Where the fuck did you get this tattoo?" she asked her brother again, loosing her patience.

"Aunt Temari, I don't see what big deal is that Uncle Kankuro has a tattoo on his arm?" Tsuru said.

"The big deal. You want to know what the big deal is?" everyone nodded their heads, confused, "The big deal is that this tattoo means that Kankuro is engaged." now everyone looked at Kankuro in shock.

"Wow. I wonder who's the bitch that got stuck with you?" Hidan chuckled and Kankuro glared at him.

"A snake! You are engaged to a snake!" Temari shouted at him.

"Temari, the girl that Kankuro's engaged to can't be that bad." Gaara said to his sister.

"No I mean he really is engaged to a snake. Haven't you ever heard of the legend of the white snake?" everyone shook their heads no. "It's said that if you save a white snake you become engaged and are to be the snake's wife. Though husband in Kankuro's case."

"Geez Temari stop telling me stuff I already know." Kankuro said.

_'What's he mean by tha- OMG!' _Temari grabbed Kankuro's arm flipped it and took a closer look at the tattoo. In the center of the snake were two inter-crossed wedding rings. "YOUR MARRIED!" Temari yelled at the top of her lungs. "How did I not know?"

"Well you were kinda busy." Kankuro said crossing his arms, looking at Hidan.

Then a scary thought crossed Temari's mind. She grabbed his arm again and looked at it's tail, there were 16 rattles on it's tail, meaning that he had been married for 16 years. Every year one more rattle is added. _'Kids'_ was the one thing that crossed her mind, she grabbed his sleeve and ripped it off. Revealing _three_ snakes that only rapped around him arm nose to tail like a bracelet.

"What the hell are you doing!" Kankuro yelled at Temari who yelled right back, "YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 16 YEARS AND HAVE THREE KIDS!."

Everyone had gone quiet in the room trying to process this new info. Kankuro was married, has been for 16 years and has three kids.

"So, when do we get to meet them?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Why didn't you tell us?" Temari asked.

"You guys had enough on your plate with Gaara being the Kazekage and getting married with his kid. You and Hidan plus your kids and crap plus she said that she new you Temari and didn't wanna mess up the life you worked so hard to put back together."

"Wait I know her?" Temari asked.

"I think."

"Well what's her name?" Just then a scream ran all throughout the room. Everyone turned to Tsuru who had jumped onto her fathers lap, there was a small green snake on her plate.

"What the fuck?" Usagi shouted and Jashin jumped out of his chair.

"Language." Temari told her daughter.

Hidan was about to chop off its head when Kankuro stopped him, picking up the small snake he placed it back on the table and laid it strait. There was a poof and the snake turned into a scroll, picking it up Kankuro read it. Once he was done he looked up and said, "Well they are coming, she says its time to let you guys know."

"Cool does that mean I've got three more cousins? What are there names? How old are they? What are they like? What's my aunt's name? Oh my gosh this is going to be awesome. I can't wait till they come, this is going to be the best, maybe they'll like pranks too. I bet we could come up with some awesome pra-" Tsuru started rambling.

"Tsuru. That's enough." Gaara said.

"Oops. Sorry dad."

"Well my wife's name is Vera an-" Kankuro started to say but was interrupted by Temari. "Vera! Vera! You married Vera!" shouted excited and astonished at the same time.

"Yeah, I take it you know her."

"Know her. I grew up with her."

"Wait. How did you grow up with her? I've never herd of her so she doesn't live in the Sand and I would know if she did."

"Well I'm kinda. . . well I've kinda been reborn after my last body was destroyed back when this village was founded." Temari said. Everyone was staring in shock except for kankuro because Vera had already explained things to him.

"Wait so when you die your gonna be reborn?" Hidan asked Temari.

"Yeah Wh- . . . oh. Your immortal and I'm not."

"Yeah so that means when you die you'll come back right?" Temari nodded. "Then I'll fine you." Smiling Temari nodded.

"Well as I was saying my wife's name is Vera, I have three daughters." Kankuro tried to continued but was interrupted by Hidan this time.

"Three girls. Hahahaha that must suck being the only guy." Hidan teased.

"Actually Vera has a brother. King Cobra, we'd call him KC. We don't talk to him anymore, not after he went looking for power and brainwash Orochimaru."

"Wait you mean that fuck Orochimaru is the way he is now because of this fucking Cobra dude? Whoa, never saw that one coming." Hidan said.

"Will you guys shut up. If you wanna know about them then your going to have to be quiet and not interrupt me." Kankuro growled. "Alright as I was saying Vera is my wife. She's probably the best assassin past, present, and future. She works with snakes and her favorite weapon is poison, she can turn herself into one big snake or a hundred small ones. The snake tattoos on her arms and legs can come off and turn into real snakes."

"I already know that Kankuro, I wanna here about your girls." Temari said.

"Well sorry if not everyone knows things like this." Yugure said.

"Sorry." Temari said.

"I've got three girls, the oldest of them is 15 and her name is Venom. I've got a 13 year old her name is Viper, and my youngest is Vine she's 9. They've all given each other names like Venom the snake, Viper the visious, and Vine the digger. Vine likes to blackmail people, Viper's temper is almost as bad as Sakura's and Venom is a bitch." Kankuro said.

Gaara looked at Kankuro and asked the question that everyone wanted to know the answer of, "When are they coming?" Just then they heard a loud crash. "Now."


End file.
